Akatsuki On the Go!
by obsidianLight16
Summary: The Akatsuki have been slacking off lately and it's beginning to affect them all. When Pein decides to take them out for a vacation he has no idea what he's in for. Members who don't get along and obstacles in his way- this is bound to be an abnormal trip
1. Vacation!

**A/N: This was an idea I just couldn't get out of my head! ^v^**

**As for updates on other stories- Snap Run Grow should be updated in a few days. ****This won't be updated as quickly and the chapters will probably be on the short side but that's okay! **

**Warning: Language, possible OOCness, and anything else you find needs one. **

**Enjoy :D**

* * *

"Pein…I think we need a vacation."

The orange-haired man looked up from where he sat at his desk, questioningly looking at his partner. He had been going through the Akatsuki's mission roster and so far- they weren't good. His members were slipping up, making the easiest of mistakes and going from not really caring to a downright 'I-don't-care-at-all' attitude. In fact, he himself had been debating whether or not they should get a break. They certainly didn't _deserve _one. But at the rate things were going…they wouldn't be able to pay the bills or even afford to breathe the air inside the base.

"Pein?"

Then again…who's to say they would get better after the break? What if they got worse? Pein frowned to himself. And where would they go? It wasn't like they could casually stroll wherever they pleased. They had _bounties _on their heads for Kami's sake. Not to mention that Akatsuki wasn't really fit for interacting with others anyway. Zetsu couldn't control his hunger at times…Hidan couldn't control his bloodlust if it got too bad…Deidara liked to blow anything up that offended him…. The list could go on.

"Pein!"

Okay, so definitely not. A vacation was out of the question. It was too risky and they had no money for it anyway. Pein nodded to himself, self assured. No trip.

"DON'T IGNORE ME!" Konan roared, punching the man in the face and sending him flying out of his chair. "We need to take a vacation- NOW!"

Pein touched the side of his pounding head where he could already feel an oncoming migraine, sitting up from the floor as the blue-haired woman stalked out of his chambers. "Ow…"

* * *

Itachi sat in the middle of the couch, brow twitching every few seconds. On either side of sat Kisame and Hidan. Both arguing over the remote.

"Give me the remote! It's my turn!"

"You just want to fucking watch Free Willie!"

"That's a _whale_! I'm a shark!"

"Fuck off _sharky_. I wanna watch the horror fest!"

Deidara looked at them from where he sat on the floor, cross-legged and peacefully molding a clay bird. "Come on guys yeah. It's too early to be fighting."

Hidan flipped him off. "Stay out of this bitch. This is a _man's _fight."

"You calling me a girl un?" Deidara's visible dangerously narrowed.

Hidan scoffed as he and Kisame started a miniature tug-o-war battle with the remote. "You have anything to prove me otherwise?"

"What?"

"Stop your screeching brat," Sasori ordered, not even looking up from where he was. He had his head lowered, legs folded as he attempted to meditate. Sure he could've gone to his room, but then he would miss out on the entertainment. _Free _entertainment.

Deidara glanced at him. "But danna-"

Sasori glared at him. "I _said…_ stop screeching."

Deidara quieted down almost immediately, going back to fiddling with his bird.

"Haha!" Hidan gave a vicious tug on the remote, almost hitting Itachi in the face. "Look at that. Blondie over there is obeying his master like a good fuckin' dog." He looked at Deidara with a grin. "Oi! You wanna a treat?"

"Leave me alone Hidan, hmm."

"Can you fetch and roll over too?"

Deidara felt a vein pop.

Kisame snorted under his breath. "If anyone needs a treat it's you…"

Hidan's head snapped around like lightening. "_What? _What the fuck did you just say?"

"Are you deaf now?"

"You're lucky this remote is holding me back douche! Or else I would have knocked your damn ass flat a long time ago!"

"Oh really?"

Itachi exhaled lightly, closing his eyes in an attempt to tune out the rest of the world around him.

"Hey!" Deidara shouted. "Don't just ignore me!"

"No one even likes you," Hidan spat. "Just sit there and stay quiet freak."

"God I hate you!" Deidara screamed, the clay bird exploding in his hands.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Hidan's right. You're annoying so shut up."

The blonde looked taken aback only for a moment before getting to his feet and storming over to the couch, karate chopping the remote in half. "There! Now you assholes each have one- so why don't _you _shut up and watch your damn porn channel!"

Hidan stared at his sizzling piece of plastic and then leapt from the couch, tackling the blonde to the ground. "You motherfuckin' asshole! I'm gonna kill you!"

"Get off me!" Deidara cried out, trying to push the older man off of him. "Get off, get off, get off!"

"Quit crying you stupid baby!"

"I said get off!"

Kisame, meanwhile, was trying to piece his remote back together, silently crying to himself. "No…Kakuzu will never let us get a new one!"

"How 'bout I spit in your fucking mouth!"

"No yeah!"

"Yes?"

"Stop it un!"

Sasori smirked.

Itachi kept his eyes closed as the screams went on. _I hate my life. _

Just as he thought things couldn't get any worse, Tobi ran in, chased by Zetsu who was being chased by Kakuzu. They ran in endless circles around the couch, brushing off everyone else in the room.

And then Konan came.

She took one look in the room, stomped her foot, and then screamed.

* * *

Pein ran down at the sound of all the noise, stumbling into the living room. His eyes widened.

Hidan and Deidara were rolling around like little children, Kisame was breaking the remote into tinier pieces, Itachi had completely sunk down in the couch being run around by Kakuzu, Tobi, and Zetsu, Sasori was cheering them on, and Konan still hadn't stopped screaming.

Pein felt an eye twitch.

Vacation was needed.

Definitely.

* * *

**A/N: Er- I tried ^-^ **

**Next Time:**

The Akatsuki sets out on their adventure!

_"What the fuck is that?" Hidan and the others stared at the unstable-looking piece of junk in front of them. _

_"I think we're supposed to get in it guys," Deidara whispered loudly. _

_"But it's fuckin' UGLY!" _


	2. Heading Out

**A/N: Chapter Two up and about! Granted it's one in the morning but who cares? :D**

**Thank you to those who reviewed already! I see some familiar names up there... ^v^ You guys don't have to be so kind with your words- but it is most definitely appreciated (and wanted) Wohoo!**

**Ahaha...I forgot the disclaimer in the beginning so I guess I'll just do it now!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. If I did- all of this would be in the anime (I bet you've heard that one before)**_

**Warning: Language, possible OOC, and anything else you need!**

* * *

The Akatsuki stood in a circle in their leader's chambers, waiting for Pein to talk. He had called them in for a meeting after threatening to Rinnegan them into oblivion, and was now standing in the center of the circle, glaring at everyone.

Konan was the first to break the dark silence. "Pein. I trust you have a good reason for calling us here."

Pein snapped his ringed eyes to her. "Of course I do!"

"Okay, okay," she raised her hands. "Calm down, I was only asking."

Pein took a deep breath to control himself. "I've called all of you to discuss something I feel is very important. Lately your missions have been failing and your standards have dropped to almost nothing. We've actually gone…bankrupt." He looked over at Kakuzu when he said this.

Kakuzu gazed back with little to no interest.

"Right." Pein tried again. "We've gone bankrupt."

Kakuzu still didn't say anything.

_Oh Kami, I've lost him, _Pein thought to himself in disbelief. Looking around, he noticed that no one else seemed to care either. He smacked a hand to his head, dragging it down his face. _I've lost them all... _ "Okay…because we can't afford to pay any bills around here and it looks like you guys could use a small break," Pein looked up at them. "I've decided to take us on a vacation."

Immediately a loud cheer came from the Akatsuki- Hidan, throwing his arms up into the air in a victory sign. "Finally a fucking vacation! That's what I've been waiting for this whole goddamn time!"

"Where are we going?"

"How long are we off for yeah?"

"Can Tobi bake a cake?"

"Why are we still standing here?" Konan cried, pointing an arm to the door. "Everyone- let's go!"

Another wave of cheers echoed in the room. "Let's go!"

A nerve under Pein's left eye starting to twitch. "Hold on! I didn't say I was finished!"

They all looked at him in obvious disappointment.

The orange-haired man slowly clenched and unclenched his fingers. "I'm going to tell you morons what to pack so we don't get hunted down or start a fight," he said between gritted teeth. "We're going…to the beach. So _only _bring spare clothing, swimsuits, and body necessities. If I see anyone with weapons of any kind, you will not be going- _understand_?"

Deidara raised a hand. "Does clay count Leader-san un?"

"Yes."

The blonde pouted.

"What beach are we going to?" Kakuzu asked. "Most are in Wave territory."

Pein nodded. "We're going to a private resort off the coast Wave. I checked it out already. Not many people there and it's decently cheap."

"I thought we were bankrupt," Itachi said.

"We are," Pein confirmed. "But I have my resources."

"Probably robbed a bank," Kisame muttered behind a hand to Sasori.

Pein's eyes flashed to him. "I heard that."

Konan impatiently bobbed her head as the others talked. "Alright, they understand. All of you quit asking questions and get packing! The beach awaits!"

The Akatsuki cheered again before bolting for the door.

Finally a vacation!

* * *

Tobi hummed to himself, lifting the last item he need to pack from under his bed. A medium sized box with no lid. "Zetsu-san~!" he sang. "Tobi is almost done. Are you?"

"**I finished an hour ago." **Zetsu walked over to him, eyeing the box. "What are those?" He saw that they were exact copies of the one his partner was wearing now.

Tobi placed the box in his suitcase. "They are Tobi's masks for the different days of the week."

"They're all the same…"

Tobi shook his head defiantly. "No they're not! Tobi knows they're different!"

Zetsu lifted his hands in defeat. "Okay. So they're different!" **"Don't you get a tone with me!"**

Tobi sniffled. "Sorry…"

Zetsu patted the top of his head. "It's okay…" He then turned around and starting walking out their bedroom door. "Let's just get going. Hopefully we'll be the first ones done."

The masked man nodded and bounded alongside his partner into the hall, happening to pass a certain redhead along the way. Tobi curiously cocked his head. "Sasori-san? Where are you going? The exit is the other way."

Sasori made a U-turn. "I know."

Tobi eyed him suspiciously as Zetsu rolled his eyes. "Where's sempai?"

"Hopefully lying in a hole dead."

"Sasori-san!" Tobi stopped walking, placing his hands on his hips. "Take it back right now!"

The redhead smirked. "I take it back."

"Shouldn't you check to see where he is?" Zetsu asked, wanting nothing more than to get rid of the puppet.

"Fine." Sasori turned down a separate hall.

Zetsu and Tobi shared a look.

"You're going the wrong way," Tobi called.

Sasori made another U-turn, walking past them yet again. "I forgot where the brat's room was."

* * *

Deidara was rummaging through his draws and throwing things over his shoulder into the open suitcase behind him when he found an object of interest.

"A picture frame hmm?"

Deidara blinked and then pulled the picture out of the drawer, peering closely at it. He noticed immediately that it was them, the Akatsuki, posing together out front the base. In the center was Pein and Konan, both looking to their left as Hidan held a giant pair of scissors up to cut the ribbon spread across the base. Kakuzu was trying to take the scissors from him, Tobi was latched to his leg, and Zetsu was pulling him off. Sitting on the right was Itachi and himself, sharing small smiles as their partners towered above them.

Deidara remembered now that it had been his and Itachi's fault that the other base blew up.

_I miss it when we actually liked each other yeah… _He slowly placed the frame on top the shirt he had thrown inside and then covered it with a pair of black shinobi shorts. _What happened to us? _

A large book hit him on the side of the head.

"Quit sulking and get out here already brat!"

"Itai!" Deidara massaged the area above his temple, glaring out the doorway to where his partner stood- packed and ready to go. "That _hurt _danna un."

But Sasori had already gone, not bothering to wait or _listen _to his idiotic partner whine any longer.

"Gee. Thanks for waiting," Deidara muttered to himself, quickly snapping his suitcase shut and racing after the redhead.

Sasori glanced over his shoulder and then started to run. "Shit! He's following me!" Luckily for him, a certain Jashinist happened to come from his room, bickering with Kakuzu while walking backwards. He never saw the puppet yank his cloak collar, and never noticed the fact that he was being thrown headlong into a startled blonde until it was too late.

"FUCK!"

"Ah- Hidan that's my foot! You're crushing it yeah!"

"Suck it up bitch! You're not the one with a hand _biting _your fucking neck!"

Itachi came back from the bathroom, looked uninterestedly down at the two tangled in front of him, and then stepped over them to enter his bedroom. "Kisame. Everyone seems to have finished packing," he told the shark-nin who was currently filling his traveling bag with clothes.

Kisame didn't answer in favor of trying to knot the bag securely.

Itachi cleared his throat, eyes narrowing. "I _said…_everyone's finished packing."

Kisame stiffened at the killer intent, immediately flying to his feet and saluting. "Ready!"

* * *

Pein looked over his members as they trailed one-by-one inside the kitchen, eager expressions on their faces. They had donned their Akatsuki cloaks and were now just wandering around in mesh shirts, sandals, and civilian shorts. Except for Hidan. He never wore a top. And quite frankly- it was disturbing. Everyone but Kisame and Kakuzu had a suitcase or two as they preferred to keep a bag instead.

Pein eyed the suitcases warily. If there was a single kunai in there…

He himself was wearing shorts and a civilian shirt, knapsack over his back.

All of them left their headbands behind.

"Are all of you ready?" Pein asked the assembled crew.

"HAI!"

"Hold on a sec un."

Happy eyes turned to bullets within a moment.

Deidara flinched at the glares but continued to speak. "Shouldn't we bring food with us?"

Konan folded her arms. "Why would we bring food?"

"In case we get hungry," the blonde said in a surprised tone.

"Bah- who needs food?" Konan waved a hand at him.

"Tobi gets hungry easily," Tobi piped up.

"See un?" Deidara pointed to the masked man. "I'm not the only one who thinks we should yeah."

Sasori snorted. "You don't think period brat. And teaming with Tobi? What kind of argument is that?"

Kisame nodded. "Yeah. What kind of argument is that?"

The puppet narrowed his eyes at the shark-nin beside him. "Don't repeat what I say."

Pein was mulling over this debate and opened his mouth to speak his opinion when he was interrupted.

"Don't be fucking stupid Deidara, we're not going to need food," Hidan said in a condescending tone. "We can always make a pit stop or shit."

"But-"

"Just shut up already," Kakuzu muttered.

Deidara frowned at the both of them and then turned away, arms crossed.

Pein, sensing an argument, quickly stepped in. "We should get going. With our new form of transportation it will only take a day or two. Then we have the rest of the week to relax."

The Akatsuki exchanged identical looks.

"New transportation?"

* * *

Pein glanced over his shoulder, offering a smile. "What do you guys think?"

"What the fuck is that?" Hidan and the others stared at the unstable-looking piece of junk before them.

"I think we're supposed to get in it guys," Deidara loudly whispered.

"But it's fuckin' UGLY!"

Pein felt his smile fade, replaced with a twitch.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up idiot. Nothing's as ugly as you."

Hidan looked at him. "You're kidding-right? When's the last time you looked in a goddamn mirror-"

"Stop it Hidan." Konan walked over to the front of the machine, patting it comfortingly. "It's perfectly fine. Look-"

The wheel fell off, rolling over to Sasori's feet.

Sasori looked down at it and then glanced to his leader. "Who made this?"

Pein glared, slowly saying, "_I _did."

"…" Sasori kicked the wheel. "Ah."

"Oh my Jashin." Hidan took a step away. "I'm not getting into that. Not if Leader-san made it. No fucking way."

"You scared?" Kisame taunted, flashing his teeth.

"Fuck you!"

Pein pointed a finger to the van, barely concealing his annoyance. "Get in. NOW."

"We're missing a wheel Pein," Konan informed her partner.

"Yes Konan. Thank you for telling me," Pein politely said. "NOW GET IN THE GODDAMN VAN BEFORE I KILL YOU ALL AND **NO ONE **GETS TO GO ON VACATION!"

They didn't waste another minute.

* * *

**A/N: That picture has importance later on... And I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun writing this :D**

**Next Time:**

This Did NOT Just Happen

_Hidan calmly stood, glanced around, and then began to panic. "We're gonna fuckin' die! Holy shit I knew this was a bad idea! May Jashin-sama have mercy on these heathen souls-"_

_"Shut the hell up!" Konan kicked him in the head._

_Sasori turned to their leader. "You should've let me drive." _


	3. You Know You're in Trouble Now

**A/N: Two updates in one day! There's a new PR :D**

**For some reason this story is getting updated rather quickly...**

**Oh yes-**

**The next chapter was partially inspired by KT (yes you are a very familiar name and I was thinking of the cameras from snap run grow the entire time ^v^)**

**Warning: Language, slight violence, OOC**

**Happy New Years ^-^=**

* * *

Pein got into the driver's seat, revving the engine.

It sounded like a dying cat.

Deidara climbed into the first set of seats warily, followed by Hidan and then Sasori. "Are you sure this won't give out on us Leader-san hmm?"

Pein glared.

As Deidara muttered out apologies, Itachi, Konan, Kakuzu, and Zetsu squashed into the second row of seats. They put Kisame on the floor between them and threw Tobi in the open van trunk.

No one wanted to sit next to their leader lest he suddenly snap and break their necks.

And it was like this, in a tense silence, that they set off.

The silence didn't last for long.

"Hey Pein," Konan called. "I don't want to tell you how to do your job or anything- but where's the road?"

The orange-haired man gave them all a deadly smirk. "Right through these trees…"

Deidara tilted his head, leaning towards the front of the van. "I don't see a path- WAAAHHH!"

Pein had suddenly stepped on the gas pedal, causing them all to fly forward. "Put on your seatbelts," he nonchalantly said, crashing through the trees before them to make his own path.

Before Deidara could go flying though the windshield, Sasori yanked him back into his seat and forced his seatbelt across him.

The horrific ride through the woods lasted all but ten seconds as the van roughly burst out into the open and onto a dirt road they never realized was there.

"Oh…I see the path now…" Deidara weakly said. His stomach was still churning.

Itachi, experiencing a similar feeling in his gut, simply looked out the window. _I'm going to throw up. _

Kakuzu thoughtfully looked over his shoulder. "Tobi's awfully quiet. He didn't scream at all."

"Meh-" Konan didn't bother checking. "I'm pretty sure we knocked him unconscious."

"Ah." Zetsu smiled. **"The perfect time to grab the prey…"**

Kisame grinned. "You guys are so mean to him."

"Kisame you'll be next," Kakuzu threatened.

"What? Why me?"

"Because you're second annoying next to Deidara and Tobi."

"What did you make this out of Pein?" Sasori asked over the bickering in the back.

Pein glanced at him through the review mirror. "You know our last base?"

"The one made out of metal and wood?" Sasori said.

Pein nodded. "I used the scraps left to make this. I figured if we ever needed to get somewhere undercover we could use this."

Hidan snorted, snickering behind his hand. "Yeah. No one will _ever_ know we're coming in _this _fucking thing."

Pein shot him a very dirty look.

The Jashinist grinned. "Hey Sasori- you don't think this is artistic at all, do you?"

"Oh _no_," Sasori said with wide eyes. "It's _very _artistic."

"At least _someone_ appreciates it," Pein gruffly muttered.

The sarcasm completely flew over his leader's head.

"Oh please danna-" Deidara scoffed. "That crap isn't art at all yeah."

"What would _you _know? You're a stupid kid with mouths on your hands."

"I am not un!"

"Yeah," Hidan intervened. "Yeah you are."

Deidara turned to him with a flushed face. "Stay out of this!"

Hidan gave him an unimpressed look. "What the fuck are you talking about? I'm sitting in _between _you guys."

"Yeah well- SHUT UP!"

"NO _YOU _SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"You're lucky I don't have my clay or else I'd blow your face off yeah."

"You're lucky I don't have my scythe or I'd tear your ass up in seconds."

Deidara narrowed his eye. "Well _you're _lucky we're in a van and I can't attack you."

Hidan narrowed his eye right back. "And _you're _lucky we're wearing seatbelts and I can't strangle you." He paused, getting a thoughtful expression on his face. "Wait a second- yes I can!"

"Ack!"

Sasori rolled his eyes, shifting in his seat to look out the window.

Of course he couldn't see anything due to the grim on it.

It made him wonder how Pein could even see where he was going.

As if on cue, Pein swerved, nearly tipping the van onto its side.

There were mixed cries of surprise and glee as they rounded the corner and safely righted themselves in the center of the road once more.

"That…" Hidan pushed himself off of Deidara, a bright light in his eyes. "That was awesome! Let's fuckin' do it again!"

"NO!"

Konan pulled his hair from behind. "Are you _mad? _You're trying to get us killed- aren't you?"

"Ow bitch! Let go of my fucking hair!"

Kakuzu delivered a nice blow to the back of the immortal's head. "Stop shouting in my ear you idiot."

Hidan rolled up an imaginary sleeve, turning on his partner. "Why you fucking-"

"Sit down!" Kisame pushed down on his shoulders. "I can't see anywhere."

"Touch me again and die you fucking piece of whale meat!"

"For the last time I'm a shark! A shark!"

Zetsu licked his lips. **"A very delectable shark…" **

Kisame scooted as far to the window as possible, incidentally squashing Itachi.

Itachi glared at him once and then pushed him into Zetsu.

"Itachi why?" Kisame wailed as the plant moved in.

Then a conscious Tobi started humming. As loud and off tune as possible from where he was in the trunk of the van. And it just got louder and louder with each passing minute.

"TOBI SHUT UP!"

"Hidan quit your goddamn yapping!"

"Get off my hair you damn miser!"

Deidara smirked. "Obsessed with your looks much un?"

Hidan lunged forward and started yanking on Deidara's in retribution.

"Ah! Stop tugging!" Deidara's mouth palms bit into Hidan's wrists.

"Shit! I'm gonna fuckin' die now!"

Pein resisted the urge to slam his head onto the wheel, instead gripping it so hard his knuckles turned white. _Why can't they stop shouting? I want to kill them all…no. Must not kill the idiots…must not kill the idiots…_

Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse-

The engine blew.

All shouting stopped at the sound of the tiny explosion.

The van slowly came to a creaking halt.

* * *

Ten Minutes later-

* * *

"I think it's obvious this thing isn't going to start up again," Kakuzu spoke up from the deadly quiet van. "So why are we sitting here doing nothing?"

"…Good point," Konan said. "Everyone- out the van!"

Pein violently twitched as the Akatsuki cheered, scrambling as fast as possible from the machine they all hated.

"Fresh air! Finally I'm not stuck in that piece of crap!" Hidan proudly declared.

Itachi knocked into him as he walked by, making him fall down. "Take a good look at where we are. Do you expect anyone to come by?"

They all looked at the empty road.

Hidan blinked, unmoving.

"Hmph." Deidara leaned to the side. "Now what?"

"We wait for Leader-san to make a decision," Itachi wisely said.

Deidara sniffed. "I wasn't asking _you _Itachi yeah."

Itachi looked at him in a calculating silence before answering. "No one else listens to you. Value my opinion."

The blonde flushed. "Shut up!"

"Get off the ground, idiot," Kakuzu said to his partner who had yet to move.

Hidan calmly stood, glanced around, and then began to panic. "We're gonna fuckin' die! Holy shit I knew this was a bad idea! May Jashin-sama have mercy on these heathen souls-"

"Shut the hell up!" Konan kicked him in the head.

Sasori turned to their leader. "You should've let me drive."

Pein rubbed his brow. "I don't want to hear it…"

"Tobi thinks we should call for help!" Tobi declared.

Kakuzu drop-kicked him. "With _what? _Does it _look _like we have anything to call with**?**!"

"Waaahhhhh! Leave Tobi alone!"

"Never!"

Konan smacked them both after hoisting the masked man to his feet. "Cut it out you two! This obviously isn't a time for idiocy!"

"Sorry Konan-chan," Tobi dutifully said.

She smiled. "That's okay."

"…"

Konan impatiently tapped her foot. "Kakuzu?"

He folded his arms. "What?"

"…"

"…"

"APOLOGIZE **NOW **DAMMIT!"

Pein dragged her off the poor zombie with one hand, stalking back to their broken down van. "Everyone stop arguing. We can still make it. Deidara- can you fix the engine?"

The blonde perked at hearing his name. "Of course yeah!"

"Tch." Hidan shook his head in regret. "Leader-san, he's probably going to make your _new transportation _into a fucking bomb. I wouldn't trust blondie if I were you."

Deidara glanced at him, clearly irritated. "Stop picking on me un."

"Aw come on, lighten the fuck up." The Jashinist swung an arm around his shoulder. "This is why no one likes you. You're a damn killjoy to be around."

Deidara pushed him off. "Then maybe you shouldn't be around me," he spat.

"Oh Kami, not another argument," Pein muttered.

"Come on guys," Kisame held his hands up as a peace offering. "Let's not fight right now. Wait 'till we get to the beach."

Zetsu widely grinned. "Yes…" **"Let's get to the beach first. Then we can terrorize anyone there!"**

Kakuzu gave him a look. "It's a private beach."

"**Aw who asked you?" **

"Hidan get away from me," Deidara said, trying to push the Jashinist out of his personal bubble.

"I'm just tryin' to be fuckin' nice for once," Hidan drawled in heavy sarcasm.

Deidara sneered. "Once a dick, always a dick."

"Fucking wussy…"

"What un_**?**!"_

Tobi limped over to Sasori who pushed him away with the palm of his hand, incidentally knocking him face-flat to the road. "Itai!"

Sasori looked around, walking towards the van beside a still fuming Konan and his leader. "Where's Itachi?"

The question quieted the group immediately as they quit thinking of themselves for the moment and glanced about for the missing Akatsuki member.

The Uchiha was no where to be seen.

* * *

**A/N: My goodness they fight alot. I'm starting to feel like poor Pein here...**

**Next Time: **

The gang gets hungry...and has no food.

_"Come on, push faster yeah! You're moving slower than Hiruko!" Deidara shouted as he leaned out the window. _

_Hidan felt his eye twitch. "Shut the fuck up! I don't see _you _out here!"_

_Deidara smirked. "Of course not. _I'm _sitting in _here. _Now hurry up!"_


	4. Hunger and Itachi Create Double The Pain

A/N: Erm...update?

**Not much to say except enjoy :D**

**Warning: Language, slight violence, gotta love OOC**

* * *

"I say we wait in the van," Sasori said. "Anyone with me?"

Kisame looked at him. "But Itachi's missing."

Sasori waved at him dismissively. "He'll come back."

_How do you know that? _Deidara thought to himself.

"It's getting hot out," Kakuzu idly commented.

Konan nodded. "You're right. Pein- we're going to sit in the van while Deidara fixes it, okay?"

They left Deidara standing alone with his leader in the front of their dilemma.

"You better not blow us up Deidara," were Pein's final words.

Then he, like the rest of the lot, disappeared into the van to escape the blistering heat.

Deidara crossly muttered profanities under his breath, throwing the hood of the van up and inspecting the garbage inside. "What the hell is this un?" He reluctantly flipped the lid to the tool box Sasori had pegged at him open, pulling out a screwdriver. "Might as well get started hmm…"

As the minutes passed by, Deidara began to get the feeling he was being watched. A bead of sweat trickled down the back of his neck. Itachi was still missing. No one had even bothered looking for him. What if… the blonde gulped. What if he was next? They wouldn't even notice until it was too late!

A branch cracked in the woods.

Deidara stiffened, senses on high alert. _What was that…?_

Another branch cracked.

Deidara held in the high-pitched scream he wanted to let out. _I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die-_

"Deidara-"

"HOLY SHIT!" The blonde nosedived onto the other side of the van.

Itachi walked over, staring at him with a blank face. "What are you doing?"

Deidara blushed and then jumped to his feet, stalking back to the engine. "Me? What are _you _doing yeah? You scared the crap outta me un."

"I hadn't noticed," the raven said in dry sarcasm.

Deidara shot him a poor look before going back to rummaging with the engine.

Itachi had to hold in a chuckle as the blonde wiped his cheek, incidentally leaving a dark smudge in its place. He innocently held his arms behind him. "Deidara."

The bomber tilted his head. "What now yeah?"

"I went back to the base to get this," Itachi offered the blonde a neatly folded towel. "I figured if you're going to be dealing with an engine Pein made, things would get rather…messy." When Deidara made no move to take the towel, Itachi added, "You have something on your face."

Deidara took it with a slight flush, angrily wiping his cheek with it. "Thanks un," he grumbled under his breath. His stomach let out an obnoxious growl a moment later. He growled as Itachi raised his brow at him. "I'm hungry yeah. I told the others to bring food but they wouldn't listen to me. Know they're just sitting in this thing waiting for me to fix it and- wait a minute." Deidara peered closely at the raven. "Did you bring anything else with you?"

Itachi looked at him in slight surprise. "Why would I do that?"

"So…" Deidara slowly lowered the towel from his face. "You went all the way back to the base…took three hours…and only brought back _this_?"

Itachi thoughtfully hummed. "That's about right."

The blonde felt a vein pop. "You IDIOT!" He bashed Itachi over the head with the towel, wrapping it around his neck and beginning to strangle him from behind, a foot on his back. "Just what are you playing at yeah?**!** I'm gonna kill you!"

Itachi struggled in the tight hold. "Ah- Deidara you might kill me if you pull any tighter!"

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?**!**"

"I'm losing air!"

"Argh!"

* * *

"What's going on out here?" Konan asked in a bored tone, coming out from the van. "We can't hear the radio with all that shouting- huh?" She stared with wide eyes as Deidara politely asked Itachi for a wrench from the toolbox and Itachi, with a gentle smile, handed it to him wordlessly. She jumped back inside the van, sitting very paranoid with her hands tightly clamped together in her lap.

"Hm?" Kakuzu looked at her from where he was in the passenger seat, fighting over the radio channels with Hidan. They had thrown Pein in the back with Kisame and Zetsu. "What's wrong Konan- you look like you've seen death."

She raised her hands in a silent prayer. "I have."

"_O_kay…"

No one questioned her after that.

* * *

Deidara glared at the raven next to him. "You're impossible yeah. I don't like acting much."

Itachi absently looked at the mess that was their engine, already noticing the damage being properly repaired by the bomber's mechanic skills. "I thought you acted very well. Especially the strangling one."

"That wasn't an act Itachi un," Deidara muttered, giving the wrench back to him.

"It wasn't?" Itachi curiously eyed him.

The blonde resisted the urge to blow something up. "No!" He slammed the hood of the van down, dusting his hands off on his shorts. When he looked up, he noticed his claimed rival staring at him. "What hmm?"

Itachi leaned in, face inches from his own. "Deidara…"

Deidara turned bright red. "What are you-"

Itachi suddenly grabbed the side of his head, scrubbing at his cheek with his brows furrowed in concentration. "You have oil on your face again. Let me clean it off."

"Wha- ow, ow! Hey- that _hurts_ Itachi!"

"Oh." Itachi paused. "I'm sorry."

Deidara sputtered uncontrollably as the Uchiha pulled away, pocketing the towel in his waistband. "What was that?"

"It's gone now," Itachi said before humming and walking to the side of the van. He knocked on the dirt-covered window, ignoring the horror-frozen bomber still in front of the metal contraption.

The window rolled down with some effort, revealing a completely bored redhead. "Yay we found you," he said in a monotone. "Is the engine done?"

Itachi nodded. "Deidara did a good job."

"Hmph. I don't care much about that." Sasori rolled the window back up. His muffled voice was barely audible through the glass. It seemed as if the grime made the van soundproof too. "Hey Pein, you can drive now. Engine's finished."

There were several sounds of struggling from inside and then silence.

Itachi had no time for any kind of warning as the van started up and sped forward.

Hitting Deidara who hadn't moved from his spot.

The van screeched to a halt.

Luckily for a certain blonde, Itachi had been locked out the van and was able to serve as a suitable cushion as Deidara came tumbling from mid-air and squashed them both flat to the ground. Dirt clouds swirled around them.

Everyone climbed out the van to see what they had hit.

"It's just Deidara? Damn, I thought we hit a deer or some shit," Hidan complained. "Then we could have had something to eat!"

"Okay guys, back inside," Konan said. "It was just Deidara."

"Hey un!" Deidara pouted, slowly getting to his feet. He subconsciously held out a hand for Itachi as well.

Itachi took the graciously offered hand and pulled himself to his feet, dusting his pants off. "I do believe they've forgotten about us."

"I'll say! Frickin' bastards yeah…" Deidara then looked down, pointedly staring at their intertwined hands. "Itachi…"

"Hm?"

"GET THE HELL OFF!"

Itachi complied and opened his mouth to say something but was cut off as the sound of an engine driving away filled the air. Both he and the blonde watched as the van they worked hard to fix…drove off without them.

Deidara was beginning to twitch. "I feel hated."

"I know the feeling," Itachi comfortingly said, clapping him on the back. "I'm sure we can catch up with them in no time. We're ninjas."

Deidara sighed in defeat. "Fine…let's get walking hmm…"

* * *

Kisame perked his head up. "I feel like we forgot something."

"The only thing forgotten here is your brain," Kakuzu replied, never once looking at him.

"True, true," Sasori murmured in agreement.

There were more collective murmurs of agreement from the rest of the crew.

"Well Tobi doesn't think it's true!" Tobi defensively said.

Kisame smiled. "Thank you Tobi-"

"Tobi thinks he needs a new face as well," the masked man finished.

Kisame sulked in the corner of the van as everyone else snickered.

Except for Pein. He was thinking about what the shark-nin had said. _What AM I forgetting?_

* * *

An hour and a half later-

* * *

"I'm hungry!"

"So am I Deidara…"

"I'm really hungry yeah."

"I know. You've told me this for the last hour."

"Why didn't any of us eat breakfast un?"

"I don't know," Itachi sighed.

The Iwa-nin hung his shoulders, defeated. He kicked at the dirt pebbles with his toe, looking at Itachi out the corner of his eye. "We're gonna die out here, aren't we un?"

Itachi glanced at him. "Of course-"

"What kind of thing is that to say?" Deidara screeched.

"-not…" Itachi smirked. "You should calm down before you give yourself a heart attack. I can sense everyone's chakra nearby anyway."

"Really?" Deidara's face brightened almost immediately. "Alright, let's pick up the pace! We can catch them if we try un!"

Itachi held out a hand. "Deidara wait-"

"What's the matter hmm?" The blonde pivoted on his heel, getting smacked in the face with the van door Sasori had opened. He fell backwards, head throbbing. "Nevermind…"

Itachi walked over albeit more calmly as Sasori looked down at his partner. "What happened?"

"No idea," Sasori answered, nudging the blonde with his foot.

"Not to him," Itachi said. "To the van."

"Oh." The redhead grudgingly got out the piece of scrap metal they dared called a vehicle to lift Deidara up, slinging him over his shoulder carefully before chucking him into the depths of the van. There was a distinct thud and squeal as the blonde crashed into Tobi. He turned back to Itachi. "We ran out of gas."

"I see."

"You can come in if you want. We're not going anywhere now."

Itachi entered the crowded van along with Sasori.

As soon as he did, a loud round of growls resounded in the tiny machine. All gained identical blushes.

Pein turned in his seat, looking at his members in exhaustion. Not even two hours into their trip and he was already done. "We have a slight problem on our hands-"

"Slight?" Hidan stared at him in disbelief. "We ran out of fuckin' gas in the middle of nowhere and we have no food to eat even though we're all starving!"

Deidara tenderly prodded the bruise on his head, glaring at anyone he could. "I told you guys so yeah…"

"SHUT IT BITCH!" Hidan pulled the blonde's shirt up over his face, blinding him.

Zetsu grinned somewhat sinisterly from the very back of the van. "All of you will starve." **"Me on the other hand? Well I have a grand feast laid out right before my very eyes…" **

They all moved as close to Pein as possible.

Pein sighed, leaning back in an attempt to get breathing space. "Since we have no gas and I'm not going to let Zetsu eat you guys, we have to come up with another way to solve the issue." He thoughtfully looked over the Akatsuki. "One of you can push us. There's a pit stop with gas and food about a mile away."

"I volunteer Deidara!" Konan declared.

"Wha-?"

"I second that notion," Kakuzu said.

Deidara stared wide-eyed. "But-"

"Me too," Sasori added.

Deidara felt a nerve snap. "NO! I'm not letting you guys push me around anymore! If you want something fucking done then do it yourselves before I blow the SHIT out of you all!"

A heavy silence fell over them.

Deidara coughed lightly. "Sorry."

"Right…" Pein brushed the awkward moment off, analyzing the remaining members who weren't Deidara. Itachi had helped so that knocked him off too. "No problem. Hidan-"

The Jashinist looked at him in terror.

"You can push us. You've got plenty of muscle to spare," Pein reasoned.

"FUCK NO!"

Pein's eyes dangerously narrowed.

* * *

"Come on, push faster yeah! You're moving slower than Hiruko!" Deidara shouted as he leaned out the window.

Hidan felt his eye twitch. "Shut the fuck up! I don't see _you _out here!"

Deidara smirked. "Of course not. _I'm _sitting in _here_. Now hurry up!" He threw a spare screwdriver from the toolbox at his head.

"Ack! You douche! Wait until I get back inside there!"

Deidara stuck his tongue out.

Why none of them thought to simply get out and run there like the shinobi they were was something they never bothered to bring up.

Besides, they were getting a kick out of watching Hidan struggle.

"Come on, come on. Time's wasting!"

Even Pein was smiling.

* * *

**A/N: That's all for tonight I'm afraid! Who knows...there might be one up tomorrow at the rate these things are popping out! ^v^**

**Next Time:**

No matter where they go, some sort of problem always awaits.

_"You are under arrest for traveling in such an unsafe vehicle," the shinobi cop said, pushing his sunglasses higher up on his nose. "Please come with me."_

_Hidan and the others exchanged a glance. "RUN FOR THE HILLS!"_

_Pein walked out to see the Akatsuki gone and his van being towed away. "What the hell?"_


	5. Magnet for Trouble

**A/N: Like I said these things are just popping out! And they're slowly getting longer...**

**Oh well! All the better for you guys I suppose! :D**

**Warning: Language, some violence...the usual...**

* * *

Hidan crashed to the hard asphalt, gasping and wheezing for air. "F-Fuckin' finally here…"

They had made it to the gas station within three hours. It was a small, quaint place with three gas pumps and a store in front they would be able to steal snacks from.

Konan leaped out the van, smiling at him. "Good job Hidan! You'll be rewarded for your good deeds!"

The Jashinist pulled himself to his feet, cracking his back in the process. "Really?"

"FUCK NO!" Konan punched him in the face. "You were going so goddamn slow I started chewing on Deidara's arm!"

"Ow bitch!" But sure enough, once Hidan looked around, he saw Deidara holding a saliva covered arm up to Itachi. _Holy shit! She's turning into fucking Zetsu! _He glanced back to Konan and then ran behind Kakuzu. "Save me!"

"Go beg your Jashin bitch," Kakuzu snapped, conking him in the jaw. "My stomach shrunk thanks to you."

Hidan trudged to his leader getting out the van, hoping that he wouldn't get maimed.

Pein coldly eyed him and then strode past. "You'll be pushing us on the way to our next destination. All the way to Wave."

The immortal paled. "B-But-!"

Pein whirled around, stomach letting out predatory noises. "Do you hear this? Accept your punishment as it is or I shall make it worse."

Hidan's head dropped. "I'm hungry too….dammit!"

Pein clapped his hands together and smiled as the Akatsuki formed a half circle before him. "Just go in there and take what you need. Remember not to let anyone see though- we're ninjas after all. I'll get the gas first and then come in."

They let out loud cheers, stampeding into the store with mad gleams in their eyes. Konan and Deidara were at the front.

Their orange-haired leader looked at them as the disappeared inside, wondering if it was safe to let them go in there without him. He chuckled softly, focusing on his van. "They'll be fine. We _are _Akatsuki."

He was so busy humming to himself, the screams coming from inside the store went unheard.

* * *

Inside the store-

* * *

"GIVE ME ALL YOU'VE GOT MOTHERFUCKERS!" Hidan demanded, standing on top the only register in the building, hands on his hips.

"Yeah, yeah!" Deidara jumped up beside him effortlessly. "You'd better make it quick too!"

The cashier dressed in a tacky waiter's shirt, nervously shifted back. "I-I really can't-"

Hidan and Deidara exchanged a glance and then pointed identical fingers to the trembling store clerk. "Pay up or suffer the consequences bitches!" they cried in unison.

Sasori casually strutted by, shaking his head at the blonde and immortal while pick pocketing each person he passed.

Kisame wandered over to his partner who was sweeping the shelves of sweets clean. "Oi Itachi. You have got to check out the sodas over there. Super sweet!"

Itachi's ears perked and he grabbed Kisame's wrist, dragging him to the cold section.

Zetsu saw them zoom by, attention diverted from the child sprawled in front of him. The tiny boy took this chance to run from sight. Zetsu glanced back down. "Aw man, he got away." **"It's your own fault for looking! Now we have to find someone else!" **

"Zetsu-san!" Tobi skidded to a halt at his side. "Tobi can't find anything!" he wailed.

"**Shut up!" **"He mean it like that," Zetsu tried to console his weeping partner.

They all froze when the burglar alarm went off.

Kakuzu cursed, finishing stuffing a bag full of goods and then hefting it over his shoulder. "That might cause problems," he grouched.

Konan raced by, grabbing Deidara and Hidan by their collars. "Time to go! Let's scat!"

They hastily dashed out the door, cackling the entire time.

"You didn't see anything," Kisame manically laughed, backing out the store while hold an arm out.

They all bobbed their heads obediently, scared shitless.

* * *

Outside at the gas pumps-

* * *

Pein looked up as his members came out the store, arms loaded with junk foods and beverages with jubilant expressions. The smile on his face rapidly faded and turned to a frown. "I thought I told you guys to be stealthy about it," he said as they stopped by the van.

They shared collective glances.

"We were," Itachi answered.

Deidara shook his head in agreement. "That's right un. They were having a sale and said we could take whatever we wanted yeah."

Pein glanced at the others. "Is this true?"

"Hai!"

"Hm…I don't believe you." Pein waved a hand over his shoulder as he strode by. "I'll be back. Stay out of trouble."

"…"

Konan looked at her comrades in crime. "We're going to get in serious trouble when he comes back.

"You got that right," Kakuzu said, already opening a bag of chips.

They all shrugged. "Oh well," they chimed, beginning to dig into their food.

"Mm…" Zetsu ate a piece of jerky. "Not bad." **"But not as good as **_**real **_**flesh." **"I have to agree with that one."

Tobi laughed, skipping over to Kisame. "Wanna trade Kisame-san. Tobi didn't know what to get so he just raided the gum section."

Kisame, feeling slightly bad, offered two cookies. "Here kiddo."

Konan kept to herself, daring to rip an arm off of anyone who tried getting near.

Needless to say, the gas station didn't get much service that day.

Deidara shuffled up to where his danna and Itachi were standing. He had been so busy terrorizing the clerk, he forgot all about getting food. "Um…danna un?"

Sasori shooed him. "Go ask Itachi brat."

Deidara stiffened, hesitantly glancing to the raven.

Itachi handed him a stick of dango without even looking. "I don't mind sharing. Here."

The bridge of Deidara's nose went pink. "T-Thanks Itachi yeah."

He shrugged. "No problem."

Hidan watched the two teens and then faced his own partner. "Why can't you share asshole?"

Kakuzu snorted, holding his possessions closer to him "Because unlike Itachi, I _do _mind sharing. Now fuck off."

"Aw that's not fucking fair-"

"Excuse me?"

The Akatsuki turned as one towards the unfamiliar voice, visibly tensing. They were greeted with the sight of a Konoha shinobi, glad in a green chuunin vest and dark sunglasses over his eyes.

Konan looked him up and down. "Yes? Is there something you would like?" she asked.

The man cleared his throat, shifting his vest ever-so-slightly so that their gaze fell to the badge on his left side.

_Oh shit…_ They simultaneously thought.

"I happened to be passing by from a mission and noticed this…" he waved to their van, "contraption. Are you aware that this monstrosity goes against every law for safe driving?"

Eyes narrowed at the insult at their van. Sure they could hate it with every fiber of their being- but no one but them was allowed to diss on it!

Deidara glared at him, his dango stick hanging out the corner of his mouth. "Buzz off yeah."

The cop cleared his throat. "Excuse me?"

"He said to go away," Itachi said in a cold tone.

"Don't you understand Japanese?" Kakuzu spoke up.

"Shoo, flee, get the fuck out of our sight," Sasori ticked off on his fingers.

Never being confronted with such rudeness before, the shinobi threateningly drew a kunai with one hand. He aimed it at the redhead before being punched in the head by Konan.

"You didn't hear us the first time?" She threw him to the side. "Who do you think you're dealing with?"

Hidan stepped forward menacingly. "We're fucking _Akatsuki _idiot."

"Akatsuki," the shinobi repeated. "You're just a bunch of rowdy kids traveling with a shark and overgrown plant."

He was immediately overwhelmed with a wave of killer intent.

"Tobi doesn't like you at all," the masked man said. **"Get out of my sight, mortal."**

Zetsu gave him a sideways glance. "Having two personalities is _my _job."

Tobi sheepishly scratched his neck. "Sorry Zetsu-san!"

"You are under arrest for traveling in such an unsafe vehicle," the shinobi cop said, pushing his sunglasses higher up on his nose. He wouldn't listen to these imposters any longer. "Please come with me-" he crumpled to the ground.

Itachi stepped from behind him, hand raised. "That was no fun," he commented with a raised brow.

"Hmm…" Deidara stared at the man. "What now yeah?"

Hidan and the others exchanged a glance. "RUN FOR THE HILLS!"

* * *

One minute later-

* * *

Pein walked out to see the Akatsuki gone, an unconscious shinobi on the asphalt, and his van being towed away. "What the hell?" He had to assure a large payment to replace the store's supplies and calm the people inside down- naturally he was confused as to what was going on.

The situation actually sunk in after another minute had passed.

"WAIT! GET BACK HERE WITH MY VAN!"

* * *

Pein, after following the trails of chip crumbs and cookie bags, found his members sitting in the middle of a clearing in the woods. Itachi had already started a fire in center and Kisame was lugging pieces of wood over to throw in once it began to get dull. Deidara was laughing and grinning, engaged in a marshmallow war with an equally grinning redhead as they ran around the campfire. Zetsu was perched halfway in a tree, watching the two artists run with a hungry look in his eye, only to shove a cheery Tobi away from him when he came to share his hot dog. Pein stared as Kakuzu brought out a large cauldron with a wooden spoon and then blinked in confusion when the zombie placed it down and then went to the fire next to a brooding Hidan.

_Wait…where's-? _

Konan climbed out the cauldron, a nonchalant look on her face.

Pein warily walked forward, not knowing what to expect seeing as everyone was actually being civil to one another.

Kisame waved him over. "Leader-san, we jacked these sleeping bags from that thrift store," he said, motioning behind him. "We got you one."

"Do you guys know why our van was taken away?" Pein asked, completely ignoring the shark-nin.

No one answered him.

Except for Kisame.

"It was unsafe," Kisame grinned.

"Fine," Pein muttered, sitting in the shadows. "Don't answer me."

Kisame's face fell. "But I did!"

"Give it up," Itachi told his partner flatly. "He's in his own world now."

Kisame sniffed, plopping down a second later.

Deidara shrieked as his partner tackled him to the ground next to Kisame, getting a mouth full of dirt. He lifted his head with a gasp. "That was disgusting danna!"

The redhead smirked at him from where he was resting on his back. "That was fun."

"But Sasori-no-danna," Deidara squirmed, trying to look over his shoulder at him. "You always say games are for kids though yeah."

Sasori rolled off of him, sitting cross-legged with a childish smile on his face. "It wasn't bad at all. After all…brats need to have fun time too."

Hidan darkly glared at the two from where he was prodding the fire with a metal wire. "What the hell are you talking about? You bitches used up all the marshmallows!"

Deidara sat up, eye wide. "Um Hidan-"

Sasori clapped a hand over his mouth, watching the immortal with an excited gleam in his eye.

The blonde eyed the puppet. _Danna's such a sadist. _

Hidan flicked his magenta eyes up to them. "What the _fuck _are you guys- hey, anybody smell cooking flesh?"

Zetsu zoomed over immediately, licking his lips. **"WHERE?"**

Kisame and Kakuzu laughed together. "Check your hand moron," the zombie scoffed.

Hidan quickly looked at his hand and the wire currently molding itself into his palm.

"…"

"MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLES!"

Hidan jumped to his feet, frantically waving his hand in an attempt to get the wire off.

It was stuck.

The others covered their mouths at first…but ended up clutching their sides doubled over.

"Shut up!" Hidan cried. "You'll be sorry if you idiots don't!"

"W-What the heck are you gonna do un?" Deidara said, red-faced.

"We're _so _scared," Kakuzu taunted.

Hidan paused- and then opted to chase them around, waving the red hot wire in the air like a wild banshee. "MAY JASHIN-SAMA SAVE YOUR DIRTY SOULS! HEATHENS!"

Pein watched them in minor disbelief. They had been getting along so well…

"Ah- watch out!"

Tobi got pushed into the fire. All the members swarmed around the flaming boy in order to argue whose fault it was and decide what to do about it.

"Now who did that?" Kakuzu asked in a bored tone.

Kisame sweatdropped, using his jutsu to save the poor masked man from burning to death.

"Hidan did it yeah!" Deidara accused, pointing a finger at the immortal. "He hit Tobi with it and made him fall in!"

"Oh?" Hidan turned to him with a smirk. "Sort of like…THIS you little shit!"

Deidara's eye widened as the wire slapped him across the face, causing him to stumble into the fire as well.

"Hm." Sasori thoughtfully looked at the two writhing on the ground. "At least we know it's Hidan's fault."

Itachi rolled his eyes. "Kisame, take care of Deidara too."

"Okay!" Kisame sprayed the blonde roughly with a giant blast of water akin to a fire hose.

"Itai!" Deidara quickly scrambled away.

Pein let out a muffled scream of frustration, burying his face into his hands. Just when he was starting to think maybe his members weren't so bad after all, they had to go off and do _this. _Chasing each other around a blazing fire and screaming like little children. He slapped his face lightly, telling himself that it would always be like this no matter what. He didn't feel much better after learning that.

Konan walked up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "The peace was nice while it lasted, wasn't it?"

Pein looked up at her, giving the briefest of smiles. He could always count on Konan to be sane. "Yes. I suppose it was." Then he noticed that the blue-haired woman's grip had tightened to a point that it was breaking skin. "Er- Konan?"

She slowly cranked her head down, a bright glint in her dark eyes with an equally crazed grin. "Pein…"

Pein never blinked. "I-Is there something wrong…?"

"Yes…" Konan suddenly picked him up, throwing her partner into the air before punting him across the field. "FETCH ME SOME MARSHMALLOWS!"

* * *

**A/N: Abrupt but gets it done XP**

**Next Time:**

They have no means of transportation anymore- what else would they do but get lost?

_Deidara leaned over Sasori's shoulder. "At least let me look at the map, danna yeah."_

_Sasori moved the parchment out of his sight, never once removing his gaze from it. "Go away brat."_

_Hidan snatched the map out of the puppet's hands, ignoring the angry protest. "Lemme see where we-" he stopped, eyes wide. "WHAT THE FUCK! THIS ISN'T A MAP!"_


	6. Sort of Kind of Lost and Some More

**A/N: Wup, school's started again so perhaps look for an update every other day or so :D**

**Thank you for the reviews so far- inspirational I've got to say. **

**This one I wasn't as pleased with but...it's up to you guys...I think I was lacking in the humor a bit (sorry)**

**Warning: Language, OOC, anything else you think needs one...**

* * *

Pein brushed the remaining embers off his shorts, standing up to face his lined-up Akatsuki members.

They were all cleaning up the remnants from their campout the night before, Konan and Zetsu rolling up the sleeping bags before throwing them into the woods and Hidan peeing to put out the dying fire. Kakuzu and Sasori were standing in front of Pein with blank faces, obviously waiting for some type of news- and Deidara had lazily pushed himself away from where he and Itachi had fallen asleep against each other's backs, groggily climbing to his feet and then kicking the Uchiha awake. Itachi glared, also getting up a moment later. Tobi was hanging upside down from a branch, eagerly awaiting his leader's announcement.

"OK guys," Pein said and clapped his hands. "We can head out towards the beach once more."

They all cheered, gathering around him.

"But-"

"Awww…"

"Silence!" Pein held up a hand. "We can go, but I was just checking to see if you all were comfortable with leaving your luggage in the van. I recall none of you brought your things with you. Is that okay?"

"Hai!" Most exclaimed, still excited by the prospect of finally heading to their vacation.

Except for one.

Deidara felt his mouth go dry, eye widening. _My luggage…it had the picture in it! _

Kisame, standing closest to the blonde, was the first to notice his tense stance. "Eh? Something wrong Deidara?"

Deidara couldn't answer. _My…my picture might be in trouble! _

That picture was of utmost importance! It reminded him that the Akatsuki were not just a bunch of dangerous criminals that everyone feared- but normal people who liked to have fun too. Well- as normal as being a shinobi got. And he had been so busy the night before thinking about himself, he had completely forgotten the picture!

Without so much a single word, Deidara pivoted on his heel and raced towards the direction he last remembered the gas stop to be.

Pein smacked a hand to his face. "Dear Kami… Sasori! Hidan! Follow Deidara and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Here-" he threw a rolled piece of paper at the redhead walking away.

Sasori ducked and let it hit Hidan on the back of the head instead. _Then _he bent and picked it up.

"What the fuck is this?" Hidan asked in place for him, rubbing his neck as he looked at the paper in the puppet's hold.

Pein's eye twitched. "A map. Meet us at the 'X' mark once you have Deidara. The rest of us will be waiting. Understand?"

"Hm? Yeah. Sure." Sasori turned around with a non-caring air. "Come on Hidan. We have to find some sort of fruit named 'Deidara'."

"You ever heard of the fucking thing before?" Hidan asked as they began to exit the clearing.

"Not that I remember. You?"

"No damn idea," Hidan answered before they went out of hearing range.

Kakuzu stared after them. "Are they for real?"

Pein sighed, massaging his temples. "Sometimes I don't even know…" He sighed again not a moment later, facing everyone else and holding out his own copy of the map. "We're going to move out now. We'll follow this trail through these small trees and then wait for Sasori, Hidan, and Deidara up by this large one."

Konan tilted her head to the side. "I don't know why you made a map though. Anyone can see the tree a good twenty miles away," she pointed to the top of the very tree they were supposed to be heading to.

Pein narrowed his eyes. "I made it because there might be things along the way that we don't know about."

"Like quicksand?" Itachi asked.

"Get real. There's no quicksand in the woods boy," Kakuzu said while rolling his eyes.

Itachi scratched his nose. "But I just saw a pit in the direction Hidan and Sasori-"

"**Give it a rest kid." **Zetsu lounged against a nearby tree, smirking up at the Uchiha. "I checked last night as well. There was nothing there to worry much about." **"Except the wild boars and such." **"Yeah- except for those…"

Itachi stared at the plant. _Will Deidara and the others really be alright by themselves?_

Kisame glanced at Pein out the corner of his eye. "How did you make these maps Leader-san? We were only here for one night and you didn't leave the entire time."

Pein turned his dark ringed eyes to the shark-nin. "Because unlike you idiots, I know how to use clones."

"Well so do we," Kisame defensively said back. "I'm not even here right now. In fact- none of us are."

A small vein began to throb on Pein's temple. "What did you say…?

In a giant puff of smoke, the Akatsuki members he _thought _were there, vanished. And he was left alone in the giant clearing, the last wisp of their campfire disappearing into thin air.

"THIS ISN'T HIDE AND SEEK YOU MORONS! GET THE HELL OUT HERE!"

* * *

When Sasori and Hidan found Deidara, the blonde was walking away from a burning junkyard with a bag slung over his shoulder and a wide grin on his face.

Sasori immediately smacked it off. "Idiotic brat. Don't ever run off like that again."

Deidara rubbed his sore cheek. "It's not like you care danna yeah."

"…" The redhead turned away. "You're right."

Hidan punched the blonde afterwards for good measure. "And what the fuck are you carrying?"

"Ack!" Deidara clutched the goose bump on his head. "Quit hitting me un!"

"Well?" Hidan impatiently tapped his foot.

Deidara glanced to his indifferent danna and then reluctantly answered the Jashinist. "It's a bag that I put my stuff in because my suitcase is too heavy to lug around."

"Too fucking heavy?"

"Yeah un! And then that shinobi cop from earlier and a bunch of other ones like them tried to stop me," Deidara pouted, throwing his arms up into the air. "So I used this gasoline tank and blew them all up! Along with that stupid van of course yeah!"

Both of Hidan's brows raised. "For fucking real?"

Deidara gave him his best serious expression. "Yes hmm."

"Awesome!" Hidan exchanged a high-five.

"Enough chit-chat _children_," Sasori smirked. "We've got to catch up to the others."

"Er- about that." Hidan nervously shifted on one foot. "I gotta fucking pee."

* * *

Pein gruffly waved an arm towards the giant tree- their destination. "Don't ever use clones again. Now get moving."

"**Killjoy…" **"I'll say," Zetsu grumbled in agreement.

They let out a collected groan and then started off towards their leader.

"This is going to be so boring," Konan huffed to Konan.

"I'll say," she glared at her partner.

Pein shot them both poor looks. "I can HEAR you!"

* * *

Sasori hunched over the map, not really looking at the descriptive diagram but instead wondering why Pein made such a big deal out of it when all it pointed to was some large tree he could easily spot using his eyes. He looked over his shoulder, inwardly rolling his eyes at the sound of Deidara and Hidan bickering before glaring with contempt at the map.

_I don't like you. Get out of my sight. _

The wind blew by, whisking the map out of his grasp.

"I didn't mean it literally!"

Sasori muttered a curse and then gave chase. Only because Pein would kill him otherwise.

He last saw the parchment vanish into a tight-packed clearing.

_Dammit_.

* * *

"Hidan! Hurry and piss already yeah!"

"Shut the fuck up bitch!"

"Fine! I'm gonna find danna then un!" Deidara uncrossed his arms, sticking his tongue out at the immortal and then stalked into the part of the woods he saw Sasori go into.

Hidan scoffed. "Whatever." He waited until the blonde's footsteps had retreated completely and then started fiddling with his finger stuck in his zipper again, glad the bomber was leaving and wouldn't see his embarrassing predicament.

* * *

Sasori lit a match, searching in the dark underbrush. "Where the hell did that map go?" He crouched down, holding the flame up while scanning the area. His brow raised at the sound of something catching fire in a massive roar. Sasori blinked and then looked above him where the flaming pieces of Pein's map floated down.

It fell at his feet, forming a small halo.

Sasori stared at the pile of ash.

_Note to self: don't hold matches near paper. _

"Sasori-no-danna un!" Deidara called, running in to the clearing while searching for his partner.

_Shit! Damn brat! _The redhead quickly kicked what was left of the map beneath a bush, yanking any piece of parchment out of his cloak without looking before pretending to study it.

Deidara peered around the tree he was behind, a relieved smile spreading across his face. "There you are danna! Hidan finished peeing so we can go now un."

"Hmph." Sasori gave a short nod and then followed the blonde.

They met up with Hidan at the edge of the clearing and then continued walking down the path Sasori directed them to while gazing at his map. His eyes widened subtly in minor surprise. "What the-?"

"What's the matter?" The blonde at his side said.

Sasori hastily ripped his gaze from the map and shrugged. "Nothing. We just keep heading this way."

His partner said nothing and did as he was told, although the redhead couldn't ignore the suspicious look Hidan was giving him. It was only after they had passed the same exact boulder seven times in a row, that Deidara spoke up. And it was nothing positive.

"I think we're lost danna yeah."

"No we're not," Sasori answered a little too quickly.

Hidan scoffed. "I feel fucking dizzy and that motherfuckin' tree isn't getting any closer!"

"Go have your eyes checked."

Deidara leaned over Sasori's shoulder. "At least let me look at the map, danna yeah."

Sasori moved the parchment out of his sight, never once removing his gaze from it. "Go away brat."

Hidan snatched the map out of the puppet's hands, ignoring the angry protest. "Lemme see where we-" he stopped, eyes wide. "WHAT THE FUCK! THIS ISN'T A MAP!"

"Huh? Hidan, what are you getting so worked up over?" Deidara started to inquire, only to have the silver-haired Akatsuki member shove the paper into his face.

"Take a good fucking look at that blondie!"

"It's…" Deidara stared incomprehensibly. "It's a circle yeah…a bad one. A really…_really _bad one…"

Hidan glared at him. "IS THAT ALL YOUR TINY-ASS BRAIN CAN THINK ABOUT?"

"Well that explains why we weren't going anywhere," Sasori commented.

Hidan whirled around, steaming at the ears and jabbing a finger into his face. "Fuck you! You knew all goddamn long we were walking in a fucking circle! You stupid piece of-"

Sasori pushed the finger away from him, waltzing over to the blonde looking at him in slight disbelief. "Don't gape at me like that. What's the matter?"

"OI! DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE ME BITCH!"

The redhead did just that. "Well brat?"

Deidara sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "You could've just told us you lost the map danna un. We wouldn't have been mad."

"SO NOW YOU'RE BOTH IGNORING ME?"

Deidara cringed slightly. "I wouldn't have anyway. Besides, I sketched out another copy after Leader-san gave it to us," he said, rummaging in his newly acquired bag. He presented it to Sasori with a large grin. "See danna yeah?"

Sasori took it carefully, tearing his gaze from the brat's blindingly large smile and glancing at the paper presented to him. He stared in silence for a long time.

Even Hidan stopped shouting to curiously watch the blank-faced puppet.

"…"

"…"

His eye twitched. "Deidara you…"

Deidara cocked his head. "What's wrong un?"

Sasori smacked him across the face with the supposed map, a very large vein throbbing. "YOU GODDAMN BRAT! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYING AT?"

"Itai!" Deidara nursed the bruise on his cheek. "Sasori-no-danna- why'd you hit me?"

"YOU DREW A FREAKIN' CIRCLE!"

"Well so did you!" Deidara defensively argued.

"I made that up idiot, but you-" Sasori slapped a hand to his head. "Dear Kami….help me now…."

Hidan glanced between the two and then shrugged. "So how do we find Lord of the Ring-Eyes and the other hobbits?"

Deidara and Sasori blinked. And then shook their heads, turning away from the Jashinist and walking off on their own towards a large tree they could see in the distance.

"Hey! Wait the fuck up!" Hidan cried, stumbling after them. "Assholes!"

"Hmm…" Deidara peered ahead. "Do you think if we actually walk in a circle we'll meet with Lord of the- I mean, Leader-san and the others?"

Sasori mechanically shook his head. "Something like that. If not, the other hobbits- I mean, the other Akatsuki members are bound to figure it out."

"…"

"…"

"Damn Hidan," they muttered together.

* * *

Zetsu started to laugh, casually sitting at the top of an oak as he watched his fellow members run by. "Ah…we _did _mention the boars didn't we?" **"Yes…it's a shame we forgot about their attraction towards black and red hues." **"…" **"…" **"Oh well!"

"Shit!" Pein cursed, swinging up into a tree branch as he and the others raced for the giant tree. He snapped his head down, narrowing his eyes at the sight of five boars running underneath on the ground. "Is everyone here?" he shouted, looking around the area.

Konan bounded beside him. "I think Kakuzu is still below."

"What!" Pein looked between his feet. He saw the horde of boars…with their zombie medical nin and masked man sprinting in front of them- the latter wailing.

"WAAAHHHHH! TOBI DOESN'T WANT TO DIE YET! TAKE KAKUZU-SAN!"

"Shut the hell up Tobi!" Kakuzu barked.

Pein felt his brow quirk. "Kakuzu! Tobi! Get up here!"

"Hai Lea-" Kakuzu was abruptly cut off, falling headfirst into the earth as his foot got stuck in a seemingly harmless patch of sand. Tobi tripped over his fallen form, flying safely onto the opposite side. Kakuzu glared fiercely at Tobi, beginning to get up.

And then he disappeared, sucked in a miniature whirlpool.

Pein and Konan stared.

Itachi whizzed by them a second later. "I told you so."

Pein halted on the branch, trying to figure out how he would get Kakuzu back.

Itachi chuckled, onyx eyes glinting. "I really did tell them…Didn't I Kisame?" he questioned, glancing to the left of him.

The shark nin had approached his partner just in case the raven got too ahead of himself and crashed into a tree. Though Itachi had been doing a good job of hiding it, his eyesight was deteriorating little by little. And as his almost guardian, Kisame felt it was his duty to keep the teen safe lest he went off and got himself killed.

Kisame sweatdropped. "Y-Yeah. You sure told them…" _I'm on the other side of you Itachi…_

* * *

As they were walking in a circle, Deidara running a few feet in front, Sasori lazily walking behind, and Hidan trailing in the back like a limping gorilla, they found themselves faced with a tiny predicament.

Of course- nothing they couldn't handle…

"As much as I'd like to leave him," Sasori said, brushing the remaining sludge off of him from when they had been chased through the bushes by a pack of squirrels. "Leader-san would definitely get on our case."

"You think hmm?" Deidara faced his danna with a thoughtful expression, removing an acorn from his ponytail. "I'm sure we can just say he got eaten by a wild boar or raccoon yeah."

"Don't be ridiculous," the redhead scolded. "There aren't any of those animals out here."

Deidara still looked convinced. "If you say so danna."

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Hidan roared, throwing his head about wildly. "Don't just stand there and have a fucking casual conversation! Get me the hell out of here shitheads!"

Sasori glanced at the immortal, a smirk spreading across his pale face. "But why? You look so at home…"

"Fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid-ass puppet self to hell bitch!" Hidan growled, struggling in the large pit of quicksand he had fallen into. He couldn't fathom how nothing happened when blondie and his partner walked over the desert patch in the middle of the woods, yet when _he _decided to stride across just as forcefully, the whole goddamn thing caved in! _It's a conspiracy! Fuck it all! _

Deidara propped a hand on his hip. "We have to help him danna hmm. Or else Leader-san will be angry."

"Fine." Sasori looked at his partner's nearly full bag. "Let me have a look at what's in your pack."

"Don't be so calm!" Hidan thrashed about. "Hurry the fuck up!"

"The more you struggle Hidan, the faster you'll sink," Sasori said in boredom, tugging at the brat's fringe to get his attention. "But keep it up. You're doing great."

Deidara wordlessly handed it to him, keeping an eye on the Jashinist sinking father and farther into the quicksand.

Sasori crouched down, rummaging through the belongings inside. "We can tie your shirts together brat and see if Hidan can move his dumb self enough to grab onto one end…hmm." He dumped the rest of the contents to the ground, ignoring the blonde's appalled look. You really didn't bring anything but a few hair necessities and clothes?"

The Iwa-nin nodded, eyeing Hidan who was slowly vanishing from sight.

Sasori paused as his fingers brushed over a thick black frame. _What the heck is this? _He flipped it over, catching sight of the photo within. His eyes narrowed in recognition. He then noticed tiny handwriting that looked like shit thrown together, recalled it as the blonde's naturally horrific handwriting, and tried to read it. _'This is my-'_

"Danna!" Deidara interrupted him abruptly, pointing to Hidan who only had his mouth and eyes visible.

Sasori waved a hand at him. "Deidara what's this?" he asked, lifting the picture frame in question.

Deidara turned a bright red and snatched the frame, storing it inside his waistband and covering it with his shirt. "I-It was nothing yeah!"

Sasori rolled his eyes. "I don't care anyway brat." He gave Hidan a distasteful look. "Okay. Time to get going."

"Oi…" Hidan's left eye was twitching madly. "Free me first douche bag!"

The redhead went back to looking at the options they had to use, searching underneath all the clothes the brat had packed and hairties. _Hm? _Sasori held up a flashlight. "You afraid of the dark brat?"

"N-No un!"

Sasori smirked.

"I don't think we need a flashlight yeah." The bomber looked at the sleek object with a frown. "I guess you can get rid of it Sasori-no-danna."

"Yeah." Sasori chucked the flashlight backwards, smiling as it made contact with a certain immortal's head.

Deidara warily looked at his danna. "Why don't we try the shirts un..?"

* * *

Pein looked over his small group. "Instead of sitting here doing nothing," he stared pointedly at the circle they had formed away from him, playing with imaginary cards. "I suggest we have a member go out and see if they can find any means of transportation nearby. And if that's not possible, at least see where we can head next. What do you think?"

"Hmm…" Itachi held his chin in a hand. "Go fish."

Konan threw her 'cards' down. "No way! You cheated Uchiha!"

A nerve under the orange-haired man's eye dangerously spazzed. "LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! INFIDELS!"

"Yup. He definitely cheated," Kakuzu said, inspecting the raven's perfect matches on the ground.

Tobi pointed to himself. "Does that mean Tobi wins? I have a lot of matches…"

Zetsu patted his head with a smile. "You sure did. Good job." **"There's **_**one **_**thing you managed to succeed with in your life."**

Pein let out an angry huff, crossing his arms. "Dear Kami, I give up on these people. One of these days they'll wake with a knife in their heads-"

"Leader-san?"

Pein glared at the shark-nin who had interrupted him mid-rant. "Yes Kisame?"

Kisame shifted before grinning. "I can find us someone if you want, since everyone else if occupied."

The man suspiciously looked at Kisame. "You don't like playing with the others?"

"Nah?" Kisame shrugged in a nonchalant manner. "Go Fish is not for me. Too many bad memories."

"Okay then…" Pein cleared his throat. "Come back as soon as you've found something good. Got it?"

Kisame saluted. "Understood Leader-san."

* * *

"Finally!" Hidan stretched his arms high above his head, glaring fiercely at the two walking a bit of ways in front of him. "Took you idiots fucking long enough to get me out. I thought I'd be fucking stuck in that pit forever!"

"Wish you'd had," Deidara grumbled, tiredly flicking a bit of mud off his cheek.

Hidan sneered at him. "You're just jealous for being so fucking ugly."

Deidara snorted, not bothering to spare the man a look. "That has nothing to do with anything yeah. Baka…" he ignored the indignant cry from the Jashinist and looked at Sasori walking quietly beside him. "Sasori-no-danna…we got any water left?"

Sasori hummed in the back of his throat. "Thirsty brat?"

"Sort of…" the blonde gruffly admitted.

"Alright then." Sasori took the only water bottle left in the bomber's bag and held it out to him. "Save some, okay?"

Deidara nodded, thankfully accepting the warm water for his dry throat. He only drank half and handed the rest to his danna. "I didn't take too much did I yeah?"

"Hell yeah!" Hidan exclaimed, looking at what was left.

Sasori shook his head. "Don't worry about it. There's plenty to share." He looked up at Hidan with a glint in his eyes. "Would you like some?"

Hidan was oblivious to the dark tone in the redhead's words, licking his lips. "Fuck yes."

"Let me get some first," Sasori said with a lilting smile. "You can have whatever's left."

Deidara was concerned with the evil light in his danna's eye, but Hidan brushed it off as rays from the sun's light, impatiently tapping his foot. "Come on then. Hurry the fuck up! I'm thirsty as shit!"

"Sure." Sasori swallowed the bottle without even blinking and then turned to the stunned immortal. "Whoops. It slipped."

"Slipped?" Hidan lunged for the now smirking puppet. "You rotten good-for-nothing asshole! "I'LL KILL YOU!"

* * *

Approximately two hours later, they wandered into the clearing with the large tree which towered among the rest, noticing the Akatsuki sitting or standing around as soon as they walked in.

Kisame was gone, but the three didn't think much of it.

Konan had fallen asleep at the base of the tree, Itachi sprawled beside her looking at the sky, and Kakuzu sitting cross-legged picking at the grass. Tobi and Zetsu were picking a bunch of flowers from a patch of poisonous ivy, and Pein was keeping a watchful eye over them all from a tree branch.

"Damn," Hidan muttered. "Wished I could've fuckin' relaxed like these bitches…"

"Oh shut up," Deidara sighed.

Sasori merely closed his eyes, falling into a minor doze. _Those two are unbelievable annoying…_

"There you guys are," Pein said, leaping off from the bark he was perched on and walking over to the three. "I see you've brought our runaway bomber back." He flicked his cool gaze to the indifferent blonde, seeing the bag slung over his shoulder. "No suitcase?"

Deidara shook his head. "It got damaged as they were towing the van into the junkyard hmm. I took Kisame's, threw his stuff out, and put my own things in un."

Pein approvingly nodded. "May I see what you've got?" He indicated towards the bag. "It might have something useful."

The blonde handed him it without further delay. "It was really full at the start and none of us were gonna use it until we had your permission Leader-san-"

Pein stared down into the empty bag.

"-except danna, Hidan, and I sort of got into a bit of a mess along the way and had to use up all the stuff to get us out," Deidara added with a smile. "There was nothing too important in there though un. Just a little bit of water, food, flashlights, and extra clothes yeah."

Pein smiled back, handing the blonde his bag again. "That's okay Deidara. It's not like we needed any of those things anyway," he said in a light tone.

Deidara immediately took a step back. "Um…Leader-san yeah?"

"YOU _STUPID _FOOLS!" Pein roared, pouncing on the bomber with unbridled fury simply because he was the only one in his reach at the moment. Hidan had been smart and retreated a long time ago. "Those are practically the essentials to surviving out here!"

"Uwaaaaaa! Leader-san's trying to kill me un!"

"Shut it blondie before I take your head!"

"Oh my Kami, he really _is _trying to kill me! Help yeah!"

Itachi contemplating looked at them. "Deidara?" he called, sitting up. "Is this another act of yours?"

Deidara shot him a heated glare, despite the fact that Pein was strangling him and causing his face to turn blue. "I was never acting!"

"Really?"

"That's it!" Deidara seethed. "When I get outta here un, I'm gonna freakin' kill you."

"Somehow I preferred your nice acts," Itachi said over his string of curses.

"Damn you-"

Pein conked the blonde on the head. "Silence! _I _am the leader around here!"

Luckily for them all, mostly Deidara, Kisame came bursting into the crowded woods from the other end of where they all were gathered. "Leader-san!" he cried. "There's a nice lady in a bus just down the road who offered to take us wherever we wanted for a fair price-" Kisame paused, finally taking in the situation. "What's going on?"

Pein stood to his feet, casually helping a wheezing and hacking blonde up as well. "We were just playing a game while we waited." He pointedly brushed off the holes being shot into his head by Deidara. "Now what about this woman?"

* * *

**A/N: *cring* How was it...?**

**Next Time:**

They found a ride but do you believe things will really go so smoothly?

_"AAAAHHHH! What the fuck is this bitch fucking doing? She's trying to kill us all!"_

_Hidan glanced to the side bewildered, as did the rest of the Akatsuki. "Itachi?"_

_"Shut up! I'm sleep-deprived, feel like I've just lost my stomach, and I'm going blind!" Itachi glared at them all. "Now leave me alone!"_


End file.
